Diandra turns 20
We recently celebrated my daughter Diandra’s 20th birthday in our family’s traditional quiet way of marking such personal milestones. I bought her a lovely black and white muumuu gown so she could wear it to please my eye. I love watching her because she is a reflection of me and a reminder of God’s grace in my life.
A little more than twenty and a half years ago, when I found myself pregnant for the 2nd time, I was shocked. It was a bad time to get pregnant – I was in my early 20s with a son who was 1 and a half years old. I was a beauty queen with a modeling and acting career that was starting to pick up again. It just wasn’t a great time to get pregnant.
So I struggled with the idea of abortion.
I thought it was the only way to “fix” the situation. To make sure my career didn’t stall again. Because if it did, how could I ever support my little boy? I already had him and knew that there was no way I could handle another child. Although I was surrounded by family (and my partially-estranged husband) and knew that I could run to them with my troubles, I kept my state a secret and felt so ALONE in my predicament.
But I did have ONE person in my life that I could talk to. My best friend Maureen. I clearly recall the day I told her about my plan to get an abortion. I had found a doctor but was too afraid to go alone. She really blew her top that day and got so angry at me, I was utterly gobsmacked. I had never seen my flouncy Maureen, my party animal girlfriend so red in the face and dead seriously mad at me.
But I told her that no matter what she felt, I was going to get an abortion and THAT was the end of it.
Then she said the most astonishing thing. She said to me, “Joyce, I hate abortion but I love you. And I will be by your side all the way hating it but loving you. I will go with you to the doctor.” I cried a river of tears because I realized that in my most broken moment, I was with a true friend.
So it was on a humid August afternoon twenty and a half years ago that my best friend and I entered the cold hallway of the clinic together with our hearts beating fast. My hands were even colder than the place and I was quaking ever so slightly. If you had looked into my eyes at that moment, you would have seen a scared, confused and lost girl, not knowing what was wrong or right. I was leading myself to the gallows and you would have felt so sorry for me.
After the long check up was done, another astonishing thing was said to me, this time by the doctor. He said, “Iha (Child), I won’t do it. You’re already 4 months and you might die. Tell your family about it, I’m sure in the long run they will be okay with it.”
To this day, I don’t know why I accepted those words so EASILY specially since at the time I was SO dead-set on doing the deed. Why did I not go to another doctor when I knew that there were many out there who would’ve been willing to take my case in spite of the danger?
And why did my heart leap with joy when the doctor said he wouldn’t do it?
I cannot explain it except for one thing…
God had his hand on my daughter and when He spoke, I somehow heard and followed.
Isn’t that funny? Hearing God’s voice through my party animal friend and even more shocking, through an abortion doctor? And me, a Christian only by name, being spoken to by the God of all time? Up to this day I shake my head in wonder over how these things could be true.
I guess that all things ARE possible with such a gracious God.
And so, Maureen and I left that cold and dreary clinic grinning like high school kids skipping all the way to her car. What was started out as a dreadful day had suddenly become bright and hopeful. And because Maureen is the consummate party animal, she had only one way to deal with this wonderful development: By driving off to a fancy restaurant, cracking open a bottle of champagne (I only took a few sips, promise!) and having a quiet little dinner party to celebrate the good news: I was keeping my BABY!
Ron, Diandra, Me and Migo (Diandra's special someone 
)
When Diandra was about 16 years old, I was asked to share this story at my church but I couldn’t because she had NO idea of my near-brush with abortion. Nevertheless I knew the story had to be told. Maybe there was someone who needed to hear it. Someone struggling between life and abortion. So I went to my daughter and told her what I almost did. I asked for her forgiveness and after an hour of us crying plus the peace negotiating of her step-dad Ron, she forgave me.
On a different occasion I shared this story with some friends. Afterwards, one of them cried and admitted she had an abortion and carried that memory like a cross. I told her that all she needed to do was to give that burden to God. He is willing to swap loads with her anyway – and the good news is that His load is LIGHT!!! So we cried and prayed together and asked for forgiveness. And then we spent the rest of the time talking about her little child in heaven and how much God loved the both of them.
Joyce girl, I cannot IMAGINE the courage it took to write about something this close to your heart. Wow! God really moves in ways that we can’t begin to understand. Girl, you are one amazing lady!
the joy of having children outweighs the pain and angst one experiences during the hard part of a relationship. I have six kids, I could have gotten rid of them. Yes, I gave it some thought but never got to do it. Now, as I see them grown up, for whatever it is, ok na lahat
Hi! I saw your post in Definitely Filipino. It was a very nice and touching story, plus the fact that I personally know Migo’s (Diandra’s special someone) family. May this post continue to give hope to young people who are currently in the same situation as you were 20 years ago. Godbless!
this is indeed a wonderful story of how God moves in a mysterious way…
I am happy and blessed to have stumbled and read your story.
You are indeed a beauty queen, wearing the crown in your heart…
Mabuhay!
I cried after reading this. It takes courage to share something this personal, & I am glad you did. I hope it will inspire & give hope to others who are struggling with this dilemma. Kudos for a well written piece!
Great testimony! One of my most heart-wrenching stories in my next book is from someone who had an abortion.
Thank you for sharing. Truly inspiring. Our God is an awesome God. Whew! And thank goodness to that best friend of yours. She is a true friend indeed.
Thanks for sharing.. I don’t know if this is the right time to share this.. Anyways, I also had a similar experience.. I was 19 when I got pregnant.. I was so scared to tell my parents so I decided to abort the baby on my own.. No help from any doctor whatsoever, just me and a medication.. I planned it the day I knew I was pregnant.. But 4 months passed before I finally decided to do it.. During that 4 months though, I took care of my body and never did anything that would be bad for the baby.. Weird cause my mind was settled that I would do the abortion.. Moving on, I was 4 months pregnant also when I said to myself I will do it.. I had it scheduled Saturday so that I can make excuses and be away from home for one night.. I had everything planned the first Saturday but I had to postpone it because I ate and I was advised not to eat for a day before I do the “process” on my own.. The day came and I was all ready to go out when all of a sudden, my mom asked me to fix the computer first.. Unknown to me, while I was busy fixing the comp, my cousin told my mom everything (the pregnancy and my plans).. My mom then made me stay.. That Saturday night became so emotional.. Now that I have a 5 year old cute boy, no regrets whatsoever.. He is God’s blessing to me and my family.. I’m not really sure if I’m going to tell him about this story but probably I will at the right time.. Thanks so much for inspiring me to tell my story, too.. I’ve been wanting to share this also.. I guess this is the right time.. Thanks again and God Bless..
Qhyle, thanks for sharing your story. I also kept delaying and delaying and then things kept happening that prevented me from going early to the doctor. I believe that God’s hand was moving in your life and in mine. You will know when it is time for you to ask your son to forgive you. I personally don’t think it’s an option but a necessity if you want to break the cycle of abortion/near abortion in your life. These things somehow get passed on to the next generation. But don’t worry about it now. He’s only 5 so take advantage of the time you have now to be the best Mom that you can be and cherish him like a jewel.
Darling Joyce and Diandra,
I am balling my eye’s out, because I REMEMBER EVERYTHING like it happened yesterday. The WHOLE PREGNANCY was such a beautiful and amazing experience, we got so CLOSE…..and, seeing the birth “LIVE”, of that beautiful baby girl changed my life FOREVER!!! I was truely ‘witnessing’ my 1st “miracle from God” that I will remember forever!!!He does EVERYTHING for a “REASON”, and I feel so VERY BLESSED that I was a ‘part of it’, just to be able to be with you……
The way you wrote it also is a “gift from god”. You have so many talent’s, that we as “reader’s” and “viewer’s” and so fortunate that you choose to SHARE it with us. You sprinkle your “angel dust” on everyone you meet ‘live’ or via interent.
I have, and will alway’s love you and Diandra forever.
From the bottom of my humble heart,
MaureenX
Darling Maureen,
I am crying too my Darling because we managed to build some great memories together! You may be far away for now but when I think of the days we spent together it’s almost like as if you are next to me again…. wondering what to wear for that day… LOLOL! I miss you so much and putting that story on paper and sharing it makes me miss you even more! I love you and your darling Alexander…
Joyce
Linking this to a post on my blog
Thanks BLUE!! I checked it out
I really hope someone who is going through what I went through will be strengthened and hear God’s voice through this post…
You are surely an inspiration to many. I just hope that others who are going through similar situation will have your courage and strength to do what is right too. And of course, a true friend to stay by their side.
Happy Belated Birthday to your daughter. May you and her be blessed with Love, Joy and Peace.
I really inspired to your story. I pray for your daughter Diandra who is now a blooming woman. Take care and God bless.
Chester =)
Well, I’m here in a cafe wiping tears from my face. Nobody around me knows why. Thanks for sharing this Joyce and thanks Diandra for getting past it so your mom can be free to share it and allow others to connect their pain to this story. I love you all. Titulars Rock!
HI Pastor CHuck, I made sure to ask Diandra if I could post the story. It’s one thing to share it with your church where you are safe and online where you are spread wide open. BUt I was delighted when I got a very quick YES from her. Sorry made you cry but glad that you were touched… we miss you lots and can almost smell the fresh air of Chiang Mai… see you sooooon!!!
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Hi Ms. Joyce, I am a Christian mom and also an occasional blogger. I also am part of a fledgling Christian pro-life ministry. I maintain blogs and Facebook groups for that ministry. May I link to this blog post on our pro-life blogs(we have two), if it is ok with you? Or, if possible, repost the entire post, if you approve? I first saw this post in Facebook, on a page called Definitely Filipino. Your story is so touching and beautifully written! I’ve read the comments on the Facebook page of this post, and there was one girl who decided to keep her baby after reading your story! It gave her strength to go on with her pregnancy. Your testimony has touched many lives already, I’m sure. And one day when we are all in heaven all these women will come up to you and say, I kept my baby because of what you wrote. May the Lord bless you and your family more!
Lissa hello! This comment of yours really brightened up my otherwise bleary morning. Please link it or repost the whole thing but still put a link to my blog? I can’t believe that one girl decided to keep her baby! Well, actually I SHOULD believe it. Stories from the heart have the power to change people
20 years from now I hope to meet some cute teenagers who are walking the planet because their Moms checked out my blog and heard from God. That would be such a trip!
Hello again Ms.Joyce! Today I was able to put together our ministry blog post containing this blog post of yours. Please read it at http://proliferesources.com . Thank you! You are loved and appreciated!