On Beauty Queen Viveka Babajee’s Suicide…
Beauty Queen Viveka Babajee in better days...
Remember that Manila Filmfest scandal in 1994 when Ruffa Gutierrez was erroneously announced as the Best Actress winner when it was supposed to be Aiko Melendez?
Well, Viveka Babajee, the Ms Universe contestant who made that erroneous announcement, was discovered last Friday, June 25, 2010, in her apartment in India hanging on a rope tied to her ceiling fan.
Viveka Babajee, who represented Mauritius in the Ms Universe 1994 (held in Manila) and in the Ms World 1993 beauty contests was reportedly depressed over her break-up with her boyfriend and her floundering business. Her friends say she took to alcohol for comfort. Viveka Babajee was only 37 years old when she took her life.
Now why would someone like Viveka Babajee who is so beautiful want to kill herself? Its a tough question to answer when one is not going through heartbreak and tough times. When I was a confused teen myself, I had entertained thoughts of suicide specially after fights with my Mom. They were one-sided fights actually, with Mom doing all the talking (and cursing) while I would sit down and take in all the painful words she said.
I was already a beauty queen at the time – Ms Young Philippines 1981. But I was under my Mom’s authority and she was the quintessential stage-mother whom I jokingly referred to as my personal bulldog. No cute male could come within 2 meters of my person when she was around. But she didn’t limit her anger to those cuties who tried to come close to me. She would unleash her rage, like a Signal # 4 typhoon, every time I made a mistake.
Combine the things she said with teenage confusion raging inside of me – it was a recipe for disaster. But, thankfully, I was born a happy kid and could never stay sad for long, even if I tried; every morning I would still wake up with hope that one day my relationship with Mom would change. Or that I would be brave enough to leave and live on my own, far far away from her mean words that would rip my soul apart.
Eventually, both things happened – I ran away from home and time healed our relationship over the following years. Today, although we still have our fights, I don’t let her mean words sink in too far because I have realized that she really doesn’t mean them. This became my formula for peace: when she is in her upset mode, I keep away until she cools off. Then I make her lambing (I get sweet on her) afterwards and we are back to being BFFs again. Bottom line for me – I love Mom no matter what she says.
Viveka Babajee on the catwalk...
Now the saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is not quite true. Words ARE exceedingly POWERFUL and able to destroy. Just ask any Pinoy journalist who writes for a living. After one of Mom’s infamous 2-hour sermons I would be left emotionally exhausted and filled with thoughts of suicide. Yes, even beauty queens can contemplate such things. I had the world at my feet then, but it meant nothing when my Mom made me feel like I was the most unwanted daughter on earth.
In recent years, we discovered that Mom had bipolar issues – something like an angel-devil cycle where she would spoil us one minute then devastate us with her anger the next. How I wish we knew about this bipolar thing in the 80s. It might have helped me understand Mom more.
So, going back to beauty queen Viveka Babajee, I believe her depression and eventual suicide was rooted in painful words spoken to her over the course of her life; terrible words that her soul could not let go of. Perhaps Viveka Babajee’s business and boyfriend troubles were the final straws holding her together.
You see, while words are powerful to destroy, they are also powerful to build and I can only surmise that in Viveka Babajee’s darkest hour, there were no words of hope and truth left in the recesses of her heart. And death was the only way out.
I can only surmise…
Beauty Queen and Model Viveka Babajee May 23, 1973 - June 25, 2010 Rest In Peace
Photos from: myasia.net, dnaindia.com and rediff.com
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Oh Joyce, I knew there was something going on when you were Miss Teen and I came to meet your Mom too who would always be with you wherever I go. And you had always been sweet. so bizarre Joyce, i myself is a battered child – battered by abusive, berating and deragatory remarks form my mother and all siblings up to now…This all happened when my Dad passed away and I was only 14 years old then Mom abandoned me 6 months latter….God led me to a very good school on a scholarship and blessed me with very many good firends like you and so many other beautiful people too many to mention which up to now, unceasingly love and respect me for who I am and pffer me the kind of supprot my family never allowed me to enjoy. I was Daddy’s pet, the youngest who brought godle medals to Dad and played classical piano, so my sibling hated me for that and my mom hated me much more coz my dad’s mother and siblings loved me so much and my mom said they were all her enemies. Oh well Joyce, I lived my life clamoring for mom’s attention and love and i thought her how to say i love for many many years…until one day she did call me from america (i was stil in the phils then) and told me “i love u anak…” then she succumberd to alzheimer’s 2 weeks after she finally told me “i Love you anak…”I was already 45 years old then….and since I could hear and talk, all I heard form my mom was that I was a devil person coz I make “mano po” to my father’s mother (my paternal grandma” and all my dad’s kapatid, then my mom would then slap my face and tell me I am a devil child….I was only 5 when she started doing that to me at the back of my father….I guess she is bi polar too and we are vicitims of that – VEY DEVASTATING TO OUR PERSONA AND SPIRIT…but God so loves us children deprived by a real maternal love, God had been blessing me with kind and sincere friends like you, Lorraine Schuck, Zapphire, so many many more, high school batchmates, college friends, business or career colleagues who had become friends to me and had helped me cope up emotionally – true blessings from God by surrounding me with good Christian people all the time – up to here in Calif…wherever I go, I just find myself surrounded by new friends who are very good Christian….sorry if I have typo,so busy and many things to do yet:) Not complaining, just sharing with you. and I’m not ashamed to admit this coz I want people to know how faithful and merciful our Lord God is to those who believe in Him….Love you Joyce, Lala
Lala, thanks for sharing this and saying that you are not ashamed to admit these things. Si Mama ko thankfully, has admitted she has problems controlling her anger and I think that is a step toward tackling the problem. The best situation for Mom and me right now is for us not to live together but for me to just visit her when I can and call her up often. She has been very good for the past year – no flare ups and no irrational bursts of anger – this is an answered prayer and I am hoping she is on the road to change. While Mom’s uncontrollable anger has caused me much hurt, her pushing me to become someone in life has yielded a beauty title and a relatively secure future. She really is the reason why I joined Bb. Pilipinas in the first place – she was my cheerleader and my body guard and for that I am so grateful.
Anyway, I am glad your Mom was able to finally say I LOVE YOU even if it was in the last couple weeks of her life. Sometimes how you end your life can make up for years of mistakes. God bless you Lala, I love you too…
i was blessed with a very great mom. although her mom (my grandmother was a witch – hahaha). my mom doesn’t want us to experience what she experienced from her mom. although at times, mom was so annoying with her repetitive phrases and words. but never had any hurting words that scarred me for life. she’s still alive right now at 86, and i can only wish for her to be with us forever. i lened to say “i love you mom” over and over again everytime i am with her… and i guess that heals whatever wounds that has brought us apart, in some ways.
Thanks for sharing that story with us. Just shows how important words can be. And it’s amazing how small the words I Love You are – that’s three short words, a total of 8 letters, that convey the deepest emotional need of man. I LURRRRV it!!!
I love your take on Viveka’ suicide. It’s personal and insightful. Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your own struggles. Beauty queens are indeed human!
More than you know!
Hi Miss Joyce,
My grandmother is the same as your Mom, She also has an Angel-Devil Cycle. It is really hard to maintain a harmonious relationship with a person with Bipolar Issues but we do somehow manage. hehe
Right you are VIC! Somehow we manage. I might not always be happy with how Mom is but at least knowing her problem helps everyone cope better.
Thanks for sharing about your grandma, I hope all is well with her…
By the way, I was particularly moved with the part where you mentioned your Mom. My relationship with my mother is somewhat similar, but of course, you cannot deny the fact that I love her and she is my hero. I don’t really feel like divulging it in detail here, so I do hope I can share it with you personally soon.
My Mom is my hero too! Without her, I wouldn’t have gone this far!!! And honoring parents is what God desires. I just had to share this slice of my life when I heard about the troubles that Viveka Babajee went through before taking her own life. I have lost dear dear friends and a cousin to suicide and it’s never a pretty picture. Those left behind are devastated. Suicide hurts so many people and must never be an option…
By the way, I was particularly moved with the part where you mentioned your Mom. Our relationship is somewhat similar, although I love her and she is my hero. I don’t really feel like divulging it in detail here, so I do hope we’ll have the time to talk about it personally soon.
Hi Joyce, thanks for sharing her story (though very sad), and your bout with mom-daughter fights. Believe me, I had my share with mom!!! At least now you have better relationship with her, cheers to that & more in life! =)
Yes Dang! It is great knowing that Mom and I were able to overcome our ‘issues’ and it’s even better knowing that I will always love her no matter how tough it gets. No painful words, bipolar issues, flares of anger will interfere with my love for her.
Hello Joyce, A very touching piece indeed…I never realized, growing up together, all the hurt you had to go through! I think you have come a long way kiddo! Praise the Lord for that! I love you, Cuz!
Yeah, people tend to cope with their issues by hiding them instead of sharing them with those closest to them.
One thing though about my Mom – she was the one who helped me reach levels that I never thought I could. She pushed, pushed and then pushed again. I never dreamed of becoming a beauty queen, but she dreamed it for me and helped make it happen and today I am enjoying so many privileges and open doors. Because of her, I now make up a part of Philippine entertainment history. It Feels Good. So while Mom was difficult at times, she was and is also a bastion of strength for me. God heals all wounds and today Mom and I are FINE
Wow- this sounds like a very personal article for you Ms Joyce. You wrote it really well. It shows you as a real person- thank you very much for sharing…..It takes a lot of courage to write something like this- and of course, it requires maturity and self-actualization to come to terms with an experience like yours….Youre a true inspiration and I salute your love for your mother.
I remember the time when suicide is automatically condemned by the Catholic Church (but oh- what can you say- even Galileo was excommunicated for saying that the sun is the centre of the universe). But now, even the church has acknowledged the complexity of suicide- that sometimes, it is not really the victim’s fault. For me, most suicide cases involve a person crying for help…those who survived are lucky but those who died should be considered victims. This would totally change our perspective- and hopefully, save those people who are contemplating it before its too late.
I wish Viveka peace wherever she is now…. and to you Ms Joyce, I wish you continuous happiness and success…..I am all the more convinced of your beauty inside out.
Jay thanks much for your thoughts… it was difficult to write about this but I think when people open up and share their struggles, failures and victories in life, it helps other people who might be going through something similar.
…it’s also an eerie coincidence that Ms India-Universe 1997 Nafisa Joseph died under strangely similar circumstances. If memory serves me correctly, I think she was also found dangling from her ceiling fan in 2004.
Hi Chuckie – eerie coincidence nga! Buy Viveka really was one of the best Ms Mauritiuses out there. One thing I noticed while searching online for photos of her – in most of them she wasn’t smiling. And in those where she was smiling, parang bitin ang smile niya. I find it odd kasi one of the biggest beauty queen lessons you learn in pageants is how to give your biggest and most beautiful smile… I would love to see a pic of her smiling that way…
I was shocked and saddened when I heard the news at GMA’s 24 Oras, especially since a friend and I were just talking about her while driving to QC that day!
Controversies surrounding her aside, I always considered her as the best representative ever fielded by her country. And for me, she’s one of those beauty pageant alums who actually became even more beautiful years after her stint.
I’m sure she’ll be missed.
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Thank you for your very personal post. I could very well relate to your experiences as a teen. My mom (who is now deceased) also suffered from untreated bipolar disorder and depression so I know what it’s like growing up under that shadow. The news about Viveka is truly sad. Her suicide speaks volumes about the tremendous pressures of a looks-obsessed industry and how it impacts people like Viveka whose striking physical beauty naturally would lead them to a career in fashion and film. Unfortunately and sadly, sometimes people in these industies equate their physical beauty with their sense of self worth. Physical beauty can be a two-edged sword, both a blessing and a curse. I pray that somehow Viveka is now in a better place. May she rest in peace.
Thanks Glenn, you are dead right about how beauty can be both a blessing and a curse…. sigh…
I have my share of bad, bad stuff too but it’s all in the past now, God is amazing, He turned it all around.
Sometimes parents doesn’t know they’re being verbally abusive already, thinking they’re just trying to motivate their child to strive to be better but often produces the opposite.
I also see here the importance of having the Lord Christ Jesus in our lives. Because there are hurts that only God can heal and hopelessness that only God can turn around.
God bless you JD – Love you girl!
Yes, Blue, I know a bit of the stuff you have been through. But Jesus Christ is the one who saves the day when Mom and Dad can’t. He is why I have been able to overcome the hurt between me and Mom. He is why I have become a better person instead of growing bitter. He has shown me SO much grace and all I can do is pay it forward… I love you too Blue, mwahhhhhh…
Another great post, Joyce–and a powerful reminder of two things:
1. Words really do have power.
2. People can look together on the outside and really be falling apart on the inside.
Thanks Kuya Kevin – I have had #2 days – where I am seemingly all put together but falling apart inside. And that’s when #1 comes in. The people closest to me build me up with their words. They remind me of the promises God has written in His word. Hoping that people learn from Viveka’s story…
Hey Joyce, good piece here. Now I understand why, as teens we were always cat and mouse at the A&N Club. Your beautiful smile always cheered me up but you also had that dark side. Maybe you hid that side so well except when you would hit me with the ball in the playground or dunk my head in the swimming pool. Glad we survived those teen years!
Nick
Nico! Hahahaha
you were always a good ducker 
and yes, I’m glad we survived those nasty teen years – although I have so many good memories, there was lots of STUFF, bad bad stuff I wouldn’t want any kid to go through. Thankfully, they only made me stronger. And you too, I guess since you’re still walking the planet!!! 
So sad. Thanks for sharing her story and yours. My condolences to her loved ones.
Hello there! I checked out your blog, super cool ha! You have the travelling lifestyle that I DREAM OF!!! Maybe one day when I can untie myself from the duties in my life now. Hahaha
ANyway, thanks for dropping me a note and I hope my story as well as Viveka Babajee’s combined could inspire people ‘on the verge’ to keep hanging on…